year 2025 is behind us, the year of the uma is upon us, and i wanted to write something to try to sort things in my head a bit when it comes to my art and games this last year
2025 was a year when i got more serious about game dev, at least it feels like it
i released some of my best games (or at least some of the ones that i like best) like office onna and my plant study time
i went back to coding in js at the end of the year and released a few game sketches
and i also made nswengine based on the same codebase and that became a bit of a thing in december. i think i will want to write a separate post about that.
on the art front i also did a few things, i was active on my bsky for like 2/3 of the year, posting sketches regularly
but the feeling i get is that the focus was mostly on games, and i think i will want to flip it around in 2026 maybe
i still have mixed emotions about my art to some extent, and i would like to figure them out, just like i figured out things with game dev this year
there is this lingering feeling of negativity somewhere at the back of my brain, and i can see that i still self-censor myself quite heavily when i draw or select what to show to other people
i've gotten better at managing it, and in 2025 i was able to have fun with art more than ever i think, but i still wasn't able to completely let it go and "just draw"
that's why when it comes to drawing it still feels like there is a cache of excitement and fun somewhere that is untapped, just because i'm having difficulties accessing that white space in my brain
i think trying to ignore the inhibitions and insecurities i have instead of properly working through them is not working that well, and they need to be addressed
in 2026 i will want to work on that
in that context i've also been thinking a bit about "exposure" recently
with games, i am at a point right now where the things i make get "a bit" of exposure, meaning when i publish something usually at least a few people will see it and provide some feedback
i am sitting at this sweet spot where my things can get a bit of attention from the people i know, or people who are specifically interested in the kind of things that i make, but are not getting scrutiny from a ton of people whom i don't know
it's a very "safe" amount of exposure, and it feels very right for me where i am now
i wonder if i am in a good enough place mentally with my art for it to get more exposure? receiving more feedback when you have these negative feelings might not be good
that said, as i work on my art this year i would want to make some more connections, and interact with more people in that space
doing art alone all the time is just not that exciting, and it would be fun to be able to "contribute" art to some things, maybe do an art trade of some kind
i think looking for these kinds of small things where i could get a bit more excited about drawing could be nice
i don't think i want to set any solid goals for 2026, since it's not my style and i don't want to set myself up for disappointment
but it would be nice to have some more fun with art, and i'm wondering how that will go
i think that's it for last year's wrap-up
i am going back to the goblin mines again, to return at a later time, such that i have something new to share
warm considerations as always
peb